, , , , , , ,

Its no secret that Ghastly Affair is the biggest game in the world right now. Frankly, I feel bad for everyone else, who can only stand by in awe as Ghastly Affair continues to consume the entirety of the RPG market. Anyway, the following official rules changes must be implemented immediately by all Presenters. I’ll know if you don’t!

  • All Vampyre characters must speak with a Transylvanian accent. A model for the proper pronunciation can be found here.
  • All characters now have a characteristic called “Manliness”, rated from 0 to 20. It provides an equivalent Bonus to all Ability Checks and weapon damage. Obviously, chick characters can only have a 0 “Manliness”, unless they’re, like, completely weird or something.
  • High Ability scores can now be purchased from the Presenter. For real money. 1 dollar per point above 9.
  • Werewolves must be taken for walks by a responsible person. And given chin scratchies when they are good.
  • All Hit Dice are now changed to d1000. And all weapon damage as well. Don’t forget to add your “Manliness” bonus!
  • All characters must now determine the circumference of all orifices, and note this information on their character sheet. This is IMPORTANT! HOW CAN THERE BE A CREDIBLE GAME WITHOUT EVERYONE KNOWING THE EXACT SIZE OF THEIR ORIFICES? I’M WAITING!
  • All characters now bleed confetti, and all buried skeletons are actually made of candy. Yummy candy.
  • Your PC is now dead. Roll another.